We all know that we can choose our friends, but we can’t choose our family members or coworkers. However, this doesn’t stop us from becoming friends with coworkers or loving our family members. As thinking and feeling human beings, we begin to care about anyone who comes into our lives, no matter how that may happen. Once we care, we may find ourselves worrying and often with good reason. Not everyone takes good care of themselves; not everyone stays physically and mentally healthy throughout life. At work, caring about coworkers may be part of what can help them through difficult times. The workplace can be one of the strongest supports an individual has, helping him or her through periods of emotional upheaval.
If you have a coworker who is suffering emotionally and would benefit from support, consider these suggestions:
- Talk with your supervisor first. Approaching someone you care about takes some courage and you may need support yourself. Getting guidance and another perspective from someone you trust and who also knows your coworker is an essential first step.
- Act sooner rather than later. Talk to your coworker about your concerns. While we all must understand that people are responsible for their own choices and we can’t force others to follow our suggestions, showing concern is an act of love and support. Talk in a calm nonjudgmental way about the specific things you have seen or felt that have caused you to worry about him. Practice ahead of time so that you say what you mean without losing your way.
- Listen, don’t lecture. Listen to your friend’s thoughts and feelings in a sensitive, nonthreatening way. Repeat back what you hear from your friend in return, then use “I” statements like, “I’m worried about your safety after the comments you made yesterday.” Statements like “You’re out of control” or “You must be crazy to be thinking like that” are not helpful.
- Offer help. Rather than jumping in with suggestions, ask what you can do to help. Remind your friend that emotional disorders are treatable and there is hope. Encourage your coworker to seek professional help and offer to accompany your coworker if your relationship is close.
- Be prepared for all possible reactions. This is where support for yourself and an understanding that denial, avoidance, or out of control behavior may get in the way of your coworker taking care of him or herself. Don’t become defensive or give up, and try to respond without your own feelings of anger and fear.
- Find ways to take care of yourself. It is important to pay attention to your own health while helping a friend because it can be emotionally taxing and frustrating. It may bring up your own feelings for which you yourself may need support. Use your own support network to get the help you need. Know your own limits and don’t overextend yourself.
