Finding out that someone you work with has cancer can be difficult. You may have many questions, both about cancer itself and about how you should interact with this person. You may wonder how your work situation will be affected by their diagnosis and treatment. If you are very close to the person who has cancer, this can be a frightening and stressful time for you too. The American Cancer Society has prepared this document to answer some of your questions about cancer and the workplace. We also offer some suggestions about how you can communicate your concern and offer your assistance to someone with cancer.

It is normal to feel that you don’t know what to say to someone who has cancer. It is particularly common in the workplace, because relationships with coworkers are so varied. You might only know the person casually, or you may have worked together for many years and have a closer relationship. The most important thing you can do is acknowledge the situation in some way – whatever is most comfortable for you. You can show interest and concern, you can express encouragement, or you can offer support. Sometimes the simplest expressions of concern are the most meaningful. 

Often the best support comes from your heart. Here are some ideas: 

While it is good to be encouraging, it is also important not to show false optimism, or to tell your coworker to always have a positive attitude. Doing so might be seen as discounting the person’s fears, concerns, or sad feelings. It is also tempting to say that you know how the person feels. While you may know that this is a trying time, no one else can know exactly how the person with cancer feels. 

Humor can be an important way of coping. It is also another source of support and encouragement. Let your coworker take the lead. It is healthy if he or she finds something funny about a side effect, like hair loss or increased appetite, and you can certainly join in a good laugh. This can be a great way to relieve stress and to take a break from the more serious nature of the situation. 

When your colleague looks good, let him or her know! Avoid making comments when their appearance isn’t as good, such as, “You’re looking pale,” or “You’ve lost weight.” Cancer and its treatment can be very unpredictable. Be prepared for good days and bad days.

It’s usually best not to tell your coworker stories about family members or friends who have had cancer. Everyone is different, and these stories may not be helpful. Instead, it is better simply to tell them you know something about cancer because you’ve been through it with someone else. 

Respecting privacy is extremely important. If your coworker confides in you that she or he has cancer, you should never tell anyone else unless your coworker has given you permission to do so. Let them be the one to tell others about having cancer, if they choose to do so. If someone else asks you about it, you can say something like, “It’s not really up to me to discuss this, but I’m sure she will appreciate your concern. I’ll let her know you asked about her.” 

It might feel awkward if you hear “through the grapevine” that a coworker has cancer. You might want to ask the person who told you if it is public information. If not, you probably shouldn’t say anything to the person with cancer. If it is public information, don’t ignore it. You might say to your coworker, in a caring way, “I heard what’s happening, and I’m sorry.” 

It’s normal to feel angry or hurt if a coworker who is especially close to you didn’t share the news of a cancer diagnosis with you right away. No matter how close you are, it may take time for some people to adjust to the diagnosis and be ready to tell others. Don’t take it personally. Focus on how you can support your coworker now that you know. 

Feeling sorry for him or her or feeling guilty for being healthy are normal responses. By offering support and concrete assistance, you can help offset these feelings. Asking your coworker how he or she wants you to help can break down some of the awkward barriers. Cancer is a scary disease, and it can create a great deal of uneasiness for people who don’t have experience dealing with it. Don’t be ashamed of your own fears or uneasiness. Be honest with your coworker about how you feel, and you might find that it’s easier than you think.

You might be asked, or expected, to take on more work to make up for the absence of your coworker. Discuss this with your supervisor if you think it could become a problem for you. Otherwise, you could begin to resent your coworker. This is a very important part of overcoming the uneasiness you might feel around her or him. 

Remember to take care of yourself. If you are close in age to your coworker, or if you are particularly fond of him or her, you may find that this experience creates anxiety for you. Cancer can remind us of our own mortality. You might experience feelings similar to those of the person who has cancer: disbelief, sadness, uncertainty, anger, sleeplessness, and fears about your own health. If that is the case, you may want to seek support for yourself from a mental health professional or a local support group, or contact a counselor if your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). 

Remember that your coworker may find it hard to ask for help or to appear vulnerable. Telling a person, “You’re so brave,” or “You’re so strong” can put a lot of pressure on them to be strong when they may not feel up to it. Families can put a kind of subtle pressure on people with cancer by expecting or needing them to be strong all the time. In that case, you might play an important role for your coworker. She or he knows you well and trusts you enough to confide in, yet you don’t have the emotional attachment and expectations of a family member. This kind of relationship can be a great gift for a person facing cancer. 

It’s human nature to distance yourself from someone when they become ill. Cancer forces us to confront our own fears about illness, weakness, or death. This may make us reluctant to interact with a coworker facing cancer, but isolation can be a problem for people with cancer. Make an extra effort to reach out. 

When your coworker returns to work, you might want to welcome them back by leaving something on their desk, such as a card, a cookie or muffin, a flower, or some other token to let them know people have missed them. It is certainly appropriate to invite your coworker out to lunch upon their return, either for a celebration, or just for a break from the routine. This may also serve as a signal that you are not uncomfortable around them.

If your coworker needs medical equipment or money to for treatment, you can look into getting something donated or organize a raffle to help raise money. Or you can simply take up a collection to buy something they need that might not be covered by insurance.

Your coworker may look to you for advice regarding financial worries, work issues, or other concerns. Be honest. Help if you can, but if you feel uncomfortable, say so. There are many places a person can get help and support, and you might suggest that they seek the advice of a professional who is best suited to give that kind of guidance. 

Communication is the key. Talk regularly with your coworker about how they can best manage their workload and illness. You can encourage them to maintain as normal a routine as possible, while protecting yourself from taking on a too-heavy workload. Offer to help your coworker set realistic expectations about work during the course of this illness. Continue to treat them as normally as possible. Include them in regular meetings, memos, and social events. Don’t feel that you always have to talk about cancer. If they aren’t up to doing something, let them make the decision to decline. 

Ask your colleague what they could use; let them tell you what would be most helpful. Offer to help in specific ways, rather than saying, “Call me if I can help.” Below are some suggestions: 

Employee assistance programs are a good resource for both the person with cancer and coworkers. If your coworker seems to be very upset, you might suggest this as an option. 

Cancer support groups are also an excellent resource for dealing with a cancer diagnosis and treatment. The American Cancer Society can refer you to groups in your area. 

For other staff in your workplace, onsite support groups or education programs can help them manage stress and increase understanding. Even a meeting to focus on managing feelings and work issues can be very helpful. If you have stress management resources or techniques in place, it is important to use them during this time.

There is much that a coworker of someone facing cancer can do to help. Work plays an important part in the lives of most people, and your help and understanding can make an important difference on the impact the illness has on your colleague. Communication and flexibility are the keys to success.