Millions of Americans provide care in their own home for an aging parent who needs help with tasks such as dressing, bathing, or eating. Having caregiver and care receiver in the same location can work very well, but it can also be stressful for everyone involved. With some planning, however, you can minimize the potential disruptions such a major change can cause. Here are some of the things to consider.
Are You Being Realistic?
You may feel obligated to care for your parent in your home. After all Dad always took care of you, right? This decision should be made only after giving careful consideration to a few key issues:
- Can your home accommodate the needs of an aging parent? Will someone have to give up a bedroom or will you need to add a room, renovate an attic, or finish the basement? Can you afford to do so? Can Mom climb stairs easily? Are hallways able to accommodate a wheelchair if necessary?
- Will you get along? It’s possible that you and Dad have a great relationship, but does he get along with your spouse? Will your kids still feel free to invite their friends over? How will Grandpa respond to their taste in music and clothes?
- How much care will Mom need? Is Mom still generally self-sufficient? Will she need care while you are at work and possibly other times as well? How will that care be financed and managed?
Evaluate how much time and energy you will have to invest in caring for your aging loved one and whether you realistically have that time available after your other responsibilities are met.
Preparing for the Move
Once you make the decision to move your aging parent into your home, have frank discussions about finances, responsibilities, and expectations. Be sure to include your siblings, spouse, and children in the conversation. Before the move, consider the following:
- Work out a budget with your parents and siblings to determine how much, if anything, each will contribute to the cost of extra food, utilities, home renovations, nursing, and other care.
- Obtain appropriate powers of attorney – medical and financial – so you are able to make decisions on your parent’s behalf.
- Make sure everyone has some privacy.
- Encourage your parent to maintain independence and stay active.
- Encourage your parent to help around the house if he’s up to it.
Remember to Take Care of Yourself
Caregivers often become so involved in providing care that they can sometimes neglect their own health and wellness. Don’t forget to do the following:
- Make time to see your own doctors and dentists.
- Ask for help and delegate tasks to other family members.
- Spend time with your family even if that means asking a sibling or other relative to stay with your parent for the day or weekend.
- Keep your finances in order. Don’t let the stress of caregiving interfere with your ability to get your bills paid on time.
And most importantly, be patient – both with yourself and your parents – it will take time to adjust to the new living arrangement.
Remember the Good News
This can be a highly rewarding experience for everyone and can bring your family closer together. Your family will have a chance to connect with your parent, and your parent can enjoy some quality time with your children.
