Caregiver Wisdom
What kind of caregiver are you? Are you in the Sandwich Generation, caring for children and parents at the same time? Or perhaps you are a Club Sandwich Generation, caring for parents, children, and grandchildren all at once! Maybe you are an Open-faced Sandwich, caring for a spouse and other extended family or friends. Regardless of your caregiver identity, you are assuredly part of the Taffy Generation – being pulled in many directions!
Caregiving can be rewarding, but also time consuming, expensive, and stressful. Almost half of caregivers report spending more than 21 hours per week giving care, and 19% spend more than $21,000 per year. Additionally, 53% of caregivers report their own decline in health related to their caregiving responsibilities. At a time when you need all of your strength, caregiving takes a toll.
The emotional cost of caregiving weighs down even the most resilient person, and it is difficult to acknowledge the grief and loss that is a natural part of caring for an elder family member. Small declines in function and vitality are hard to witness and bear, but by acknowledging this, you begin to allow for your own process of letting go and doing what you can to support your elder.
When providing care to a family member, consider the following Caregiver Wisdom:
- There is no one way to be a caregiver. We cannot all provide direct care in a physical way, and some give care from afar. Such long-distance care can include calling daily on the phone or traveling to assist other family members in a crisis. We can contribute to the care of an elder whether it involves taking them to doctor visits, grocery shopping for them, or spending one night a week with them to insure their safety.
- Every relationship, family history, and situation is unique. We face different demands and have different needs to meet. Just because your friend brought her mother to live in her home does not mean you need change your own plan to have your own mother move to assisted living. We all have to find our own balance and way to care for an elder.
- Remember that many elders can participate in decisions around their care, so involve them in the process as much as possible. Considering your elders’ thoughts and wishes can help plans go smoothly.
- Guilt is not useful or helpful so try to let go of it. Focus on what you are doing as a caregiver, not on what you think you should be doing or what you are not doing.
- Set limits if necessary. No matter who you are caring for, it is OK for you to determine a limit to what and how much you can do. Learn to say no. Also, learn to say yes to offers of help and support.
- You cannot take care of your elder if you do not take care of yourself. Take breaks, refuel, seek the support of friends, eat well, get rest, and remember to laugh and enjoy your own life.
