Mediation is a problem solving process in which a neutral professional (the mediator) facilitates communication between parties involved in a divorce or a domestic relations matter. The mediator helps couples communicate on issues such as a trial separation, personal property distribution, asset and debt division, parent communications and understanding the needs of their children, reaching agreements in their children’s best interest and developing a cooperative parenting relationship, as well as the numerous other issues that may arise in a domestic relations situation.

Cases referred to mediation are assessed to determine if mediation is appropriate for the parties involved. If mediation is appropriate (for example, there are no physical threats of violence or domestic stay away orders in place), the parties select a mediator and schedule a mediation session at a neutral location. The mediator guides the communication process so that all participants have equal opportunity to be heard. Conflicts are discussed one at a time and various options and solutions are explored. Some mediators offer suggestions and help parties develop options to resolve the issues, while others allow the parties full option building control where the final agreement is up to the parties. The mediator does not act as a decision maker, an advocate, or an attorney for any of the parties.

Mediators come in all shapes and sizes and work in many different manners. It is important that parties interview a mediator to learn if that particular mediator meets the unique needs of the parties coming to the process. Some mediators offer an initial session for you to meet them at no charge. If not, it is important to interview them on the phone and ask them if they will meet so that you and the others involved can learn if they are the right mediator for the situation. If they do not offer this service, you can still begin the process, remembering that it is voluntary and you can end it at any time if it is not working. Unlike the court process, which once started you’re committed and cannot shop for a new judge,  you can shop for the appropriate mediator who meets all parties’ needs.

Some mediators offer co-mediation, which involves having two mediators present to reflect the unique situation of the parties in the room, for example:

Mediation is a process that gives the parties the opportunity to resolve issues for their children and themselves rather than have a third party decision maker (a judge) decide for them. The mediator does not make any decisions for the parties, but helps the parties come to an agreement that works for all involved.

Most any issue can be mediated provided both parties are willing to discuss honestly and share information and options. Mediation can be helpful in resolving issues such as:

Mediation is a joint, cooperative problem solving process, and it is necessary for both parents to participate. With the help of the mediator, both parties work together to develop mutually agreed upon solutions.

The mediator focuses on helping parties reach their own agreements and does not give legal advice. Attorneys can, but rarely attend mediation sessions; however, most parties find it useful to have an attorney available for consulting at some point in mediation. Attorneys help their clients understand the law and make informed decisions. Any party may take a break from a mediation session to talk with their attorney. Infrequently, a mediator talks with the attorneys without the parties present. If the parties reach agreement in mediation, an attorney may write up the final agreement and officially complete the legal procedure.

Private mediator fees vary by region and experience. A typical charge in the Boston metro area ranges from $125-400 dollars per hour. The parties typically divide this cost 50/50 or sometimes in proportion to their incomes. Many mediators offer a sliding fee scale based on income. 

Mediation sessions last approximately two to four hours. The number of sessions required to complete mediation depends on the number and complexity of the issues and the communication styles of the parties. Sessions are scheduled at times convenient to the parties and mediator. Many mediators are available in the evenings and on weekends.

Mediation agreements become legally binding once they are reviewed by the parties’ attorneys, signed by the parties, and entered in court in the form of a separation or settlement agreement, which may be presented to the court at the request of both parties as part of a no-fault divorce court order.

If no agreement is reached, the parties may choose to use legal process and have attorneys represent their interests and negotiate on their own behalf. This is generally more time consuming and costly. Attorneys charges for the individual consultation time as well as for negotiating on a client’s behalf. Domestic relation’s attorney rates are generally more expensive than mediator’s rates and are not usually shared by the parties.

Everything said during a mediation session is confidential. Neither the mediator nor the mediator’s notes are allowed in Court. Mediators generally ask the parties to agree at the outset that they will not appear on behalf of either or both parties or be subpoenaed if the mediation process is unsuccessful. However, by law, mediators are required to report any new allegation of abuse, neglect, or threat of bodily harm.

Usually the first mediation session involves only the parties themselves. Although the children may be viewed as parties as their interests are being discussed, they are usually not included in the mediation process. With both parties and the mediator’s approval, however, they can be included depending on their age and the issues being discussed. If you believe other people should participate, discuss the issue with the mediator prior to the initial session.