As parents, it is our natural instinct to protect our children from danger. However, sometimes dangerous or stressful situations, such as tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, terrorism, or other acts of violence, cannot be avoided.
Following are tips for communicating with children who have experienced or witnessed tragedy or disaster. They can help you provide children with the emotional support they’ll need to understand and cope with events affecting them. If you have to apply this information with your children, take heart. After surviving a crisis together, families become closer and communities stronger. It’s a hard way to do it, but making it through tough times together reaffirms love and loyalty.
- Remain calm. This can be easier said than done, but children are extremely sensitive to your actions as well as your words. They will notice your body language, tone of voice, and even how gentle or rough your touch is. If you need your child’s quick cooperation, give them clear directions. Make them simple enough for children to understand according to their age and development.
- Reassure children they’re not forgotten in the chaos. Let your actions convince them that their safety and security are your top priority. Try to reassure children they are safe and far from danger. However, if you are directly involved with the crisis, be honest and specific about actions you will take to protect them. Lying to children erodes their trust.
- Minimize children’s exposure to news media covering the crisis. A child’s fertile imagination also spins dramatic visuals for events described on the television and radio, in the newspaper, in the classroom or play yard, or around your dinner table. Such images attack children’s sense of security and stability. To complicate things, for young children, seeing is believing. It’s hard for them to separate fact from fantasy. With instant replays of news reporting video coverage, children form terrifying mis-perceptions. If not told otherwise, they can think multiple disasters are continuously happening for days on end.
- Explain disaster-related terms in language children can understand. Terms to describe and how you describe them will vary depending on the nature of the tragedy and each child’s age. Giving too little information can confuse children. On the other hand, giving them too much information can overwhelm them.
- Spend time together so questions can be asked. Children may understand some facts, but be confused by others. Listen carefully and clear up misconceptions to reduce anxiety. For instance, following 9/11, a child told a teacher terrorists lived in his neighborhood. When asked why he thought that, he said because he lived in White Hall Terrace. To the boy, “terrace” and “terrorist” sounded the same.
- Be patient if children repeat the same questions two or more times. Children grasp abstract concepts slowly. Repeating questions is their way of trying to get a clear picture of events, including the sequence and reasons for them.
- Speak to teens separately from younger children if your family has children with a wide age span. Be open and honest with teens and give them plenty of room to express anger and disbelief. Caution the teens to avoid making angry or graphic responses in front of younger siblings.
- Don’t assume children aren’t worried even if they are hesitant to ask questions. This applies to children of any age. From time to time, ask an open-ended question to encourage communication. For example, you might ask, “I’m wondering if you’re afraid a flood could happen in our town, too.”
- Don’t belittle children for expressing fear. Accept fear as a rational reaction to something out of their control. For instance, during times of high alerts for terrorist attacks, it’s not unheard of children wanting to sleep in their clothing in case they have to make a quick escape in the middle of the night. When fear like this is expressed, listen and reassure your child that you will do everything you can to keep them safe.
- Validate feelings children share about confusion or anger. “Yes, many people are upset over the hurricane. Lots of us are sad so many people were hurt.”
- Maintain routines. In the wake of tragedy and during continued media coverage of it maintain regular, predictable routines as much as possible. Nutrition, sleep, and play routines, along with old-fashioned TLC, like reading stories together on the couch, help children feel calm and safe.
- Seek support for yourself. If you become overwhelmed by crisis, find other adults with whom you can safely express your feelings, such as family, friends, neighbors, or a counselor. By getting help for yourself, you’ll be better able to support your children.
Symptoms of Children Stressed by Crisis
During times of unrelenting stress, children may experience changes in behavior or attitude. Symptoms of stress in children include: changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or energy level; bedwetting; regression in toilet training; regression to thumb sucking; uncharacteristic separation problems from parents; excessive whining and irritability; long-term poor concentration; unusual, persistent aggression; and apathy, isolation, and depression. If such signs don’t reduce over time or begin to increase, counseling for your child may be helpful.
